Blame

blame

Often times I experience people who appear happy on the outside yet display something else in a much more subtle way. One of the skills I acquired during my lifetime is to recognize when what a person is saying does not match what they are not saying. This often comes across as deceit. I have learned never to assume that people that exhibit this behavior are intentionally being deceitful to me (or to whomever they are speaking), but may be being somewhat deceitful to themselves, may be trying on a new attitude or mindset, or may possible be uncomfortable.

One thing that stands out to me is a pattern of blame. When I experience someone who has a habit of blaming everything on something or someone else, it is usually indicative of general unhappiness. Sometimes it is about control. When something is out of our control it is much easier to blame it this or that, rather than hold ourselves accountable. NOT blame ourselves, hold ourselves accountable for how we feel, hoe we respond, and our behavior in the face of any circumstance.

Lately, during these especially trying times of uncertainty, I see more and more blame; blame China, blame Trump, blame the left, blame the right, blame the government, the CDC, aliens, bats soup, shadow government, you name it.

Blame dis-empowers us. It adds to the helplessness we feel and to the pain of uncertainty. It perpetuates the need to feel certain and significant during stressful times. Our need to be right surpasses our desire to be happy. Our need for structure and surety replaces our curious, adventurous selves.

Fear does some amazing things to us. It makes us do crazy things, courageous things, pragmatic things, smart things, dumb things, and sometimes things that we would never think of. It’s important to keep a cool head, and not let fear and panic get in the way of getting through this.

What are you focused on? Are you thinking about how 2 weeks stuck with your family of by yourself will drive you crazy, or are you thinking of tackling to that chore you’ve been putting off? Are you focused on what’s going to happen if the emergency gets extended, or are you focused on eating well and staying healthy? You have a choice! Chose wisely.

There are many things we can do to feel certain and safe, loved and appreciated, important and significant. What do you need? How can I help? How can you help someone who needs what you need? Give a little, get a lot. Helping your family, loved ones, and friends stay calm and safe will put you in that place. Try It On!

Stay calm, get some fresh air, go for a walk, get some exercise, teleconference with friends and family, learn a new skill, read a good book, there are endless positive things to focus on.

Peace, Love, and Light

State of mind

I’ve been hearing this phrase for a few years now; mindset, state of mind, money mind, etc… I often wondered what it meant to have a poverty mindset, or abundance mindset. Until recently there seemed to be cloudiness around what I was able to see within myself.

For the last 30 years I have been a student of the self; my being, my mind, my programs, my history, my belief systems, constantly on a path of self mastery. I have read more than I ever thought I could, took more classes, workshops, weekend events, healing modalities, did hypnosis work, the list goes on.

Then it hit me. I have been looking to “fix” something that I believed was broken within myself. The mere fact that I was looking for something pointed to what I felt I was lacking.

As long as I am looking for cures, help, fixes, changes, improvements, I am in a “broken” or incomplete mindset. The trick for me is to recognize that the habit of self improvement needs to be for a different reason than why it started.

I believe in a growth mindset from a position of power and not weakness or pain/fear. Learn, evolve, challenge current systems, and keep moving forward. Even rest needs to be part of this. Knowing when to simply play is important as well. Always give yourself time to enjoy the ride.

And STOP trying to fix yourself! You are perfect and you are on the right track.

Love.

#notbroken

#growthmindset

#gottaloveit

#tryiton

Life Happens For You

It’s been a while since I posted here.

It’s been an interesting journey to say the least.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of “change your thoughts, change your life”. It seems people think they have found a new tool to use to change parts of their lives. They start by using affirmations, or quotes from other people, or even memes. Then it seems they start to abandon their efforts due to the lack of desired effect. Then they feel empowered again by reading someone else’s experience, or listen to a motivational speaker. They get motivated to try again. And again.  And again.

I feel that there is a fundamental truth to the “thoughts create your reality” concept. The underlying principle is a universal law. It just feels “true”, as if we somehow have known all along.

Now… many of us try to use this to change a certain part of our lives; finances, relationships, health, etc.  The problem is that changing only one aspect is nearly impossible.  You see, the creator of that one aspect also created the other aspects from the same spot.  If the spot changes, everything changes.

You can (if you want) think of everything as a “relationship”.  Relationship with, money, love, health, others, the world, source, etc. They are all still relationships.  How do you relate?

So, expect everything to change. Welcome it, embrace it, and enjoy the ride.  It will change for sure, that you can count on.

Peace.

#bethechange #breathefire #tryiton #gottaloveit

 

Head’s Up

“My reality is collapsing”!

These were the words I said to myself as I started running this morning. It felt like what I “knew to be reality” was no longer valid. The ground I was running on was not the same, the view of my neighborhood was different, my stride was different, my breathing, how I felt about running, everything was askew.

Head’s Up

I noticed my head was up instead of down. I consider myself a head down runner. Why eyes are usually looking at the ground as I run. I guess it was important to see any obstacles ahead of time so I had enough time to react and avoid an injury. It also explains why I can run the same route without getting bored. Not today! My head was up. So much so, that as I thought about how high my head was, it went even higher, almost to the point of looking up. It felt strange and liberating at the same time.

I have been student and practitioner of NLP and other change strategies for a long time. Last week I experimented with a technique on an old, painful memory. Up till then I worked on this memory from the perspective of learning from it, forgiving, reliving it to “see” different perspectives, placing myself in different viewpoints, etc., but this new approach sort of obliterated the memory. This technique changed it in my minds eye, thus changing its impact on me and my life. I felt as though the pages in my instruction manual were going blank. I just looked at these blank pages, waiting for the instructions to show up. They never did. The pages were just bank, page after page, so I started writing.

I realized that I get to fill in the blanks. Since we do this automatically, it was exhilarating to be able to do it intentionally.  Who do I want to be? How do I want to handle stuff? What kind of leader do I want to be? Freedom, power, responsibility, adventure, and excitement were some of the feelings I experienced while looking at these blank pages.

Instructions

Have you ever heard someone say: “if only life came with an instruction manual”? It does… we write it as we go. Sometimes by default, and sometimes on purpose. But we write it. How are you writing yours; as a reaction to what you experience or are you proactive?  Do you participate or are you a spectator? Who’s in charge here? Maybe you need to speak to the manager.

#tryiton

#gottaloveit

#whatwouldlovedo

#bringit

#shakethatass

#livelovelaugh

 

Relationships

relate
How you do anything is how you do everything

When you think about it, everything you experience is a relationship. Your relationship with your work, life, lover, friends, yourself, your pets, your finances, home, etc.  In fact, I can’t think of anything in life that is not in relationship with ourselves. Go ahead and try for yourself.

The degree to which you relate to yourself, or aspects of yourself, is the degree to which you relate to everything, or aspects of everything. You can be attentive to some parts of your life and not others. Love some parts and not others, are interested in some aspects but not others, or simply be indifferent. The “way” you relate is what is important. “How” you think and not “what” you think. “What” you think is a product of the “how” and the same goes for “how” you relate to your world, your life, or your experience with your existence. The relationship itself is the “what”.

How do you relate to “you”?  How does your relationship with others reflect your relationship with yourself? How is the world a mirror of yourself?

Try It On!

#tryiton

#gottaloveit

#whatwouldlovedo

#bethechange

#mirrors

Paw Prints

cats

The other day I saw a neighborhood cat sitting on my wife’s car. My wife hates cats, I’m indifferent. Since I grew up with them and can’t have one due to the wife’s cat allergy, I’ve just follow along in the “ugh, cats” attitude.

The next day I washed my car (love the car), only to see little muddy cat paw prints on my hood an hour later. My first reaction was anger. “How could this little stray/not-really stray cat walk all over my car. I had fantasies of throwing something at the cat to scare it from getting back on my hood; negative reinforcement (I know better, so I only thought about it). I just washed the paw prints off and moved on.

The next morning, the little booger walked all over my hood AGAIN! The nerve of that little hairball. Oh man! I was just shaking my head. I got in my car and I drove angry.

Attitude is everything

While driving I thought to myself. I don’t like the way I feel. This anger is bullshit. It feels bad. Why would I want to feel this especially when I have so many skills in changing my state? So I went to work. “What if I were a cat person?” What if I loved cats? I would think those little paw prints were so cute! Adorable little cat prints all over my hood. Imagining the cat waking around, wanting to be near my stuff, sitting atop my car, guarding it, waiting for me.

That changed everything.

Go ahead… Try It On.

What if your judgements were different? What would LOVE do? How would LOVE deal with it?

#tryiton

#whatwouldlovedo

#gottaloveit

#breathefire

Hope

I’ve been noticing this world a-lot more lately; hope.  “I hope this happens” or, “I hope she gets better” or, “I hope things turn around”, “I hope this president _____”, etc…

“Hope” vs. “expectation”.

The energy of the word “Hope” includes and ingredient of fear, whereas the word “Expect” does not. Hope usually comes from a fear place fear of unworthiness, fear of being unlucky, invisible, or unimportant. , Expectation comes from knowing, intuition, almost taken for granted.

Hope depends on others to manifest outside your privy, or your responsibility, expectation manifests for you, because of you, and from within you.

Does life happen TO you or does life happen FOR you?

Try it on.  Change your hope for expectation. If it feels uncomfortable, good, it’s a starting place to find any limiting beliefs about yourself. You are beautiful. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of all that you desire. It boils down to what you believe about yourself and your relationship to you life.

I’m not saying don’t hope, hope is valuable. Instead, expecting what you desire rather than hoping for it sends a very clear message to the universe. Subtle, silent, and strong expectation; like expecting tomorrow to come, or your next breath. Simple concept, difficult practice.

I hope this makes sense.  😉

#breathefire

#tryiton

#gottaloveit

#lookforthepain

#hope

Watch Your Mouth

Do it

This is sort of a re-post from a few years back.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”.

This was the quote we were taught to say when we were younger (I’m 50) when someone would call us names. We used to say it like a little kid, nanny nanny boo boo. In the mean time, we would walk a way with this feeling in our guts, this pain, these burning questions, why didn’t that work, or why do I still feel bad?

It’s because Words Are Powerful…Period.

Words cause our nervous systems to respond. They cause physiological and neurological responses in our bodies. Good words, bad words, and neutral words. More importantly are the meanings we give those words.

Ask yourself if you would talk to others the way you talk to yourself. Would you?  Do you speak highly to yourself or poorly?  Do you nurture yourself, or condemn or criticize? Are you forgiving and compassionate or judgmental and disappointed? Choose wisely your words to yourself and to others, they are part of the palette we use to paint our worlds.

#tryiton

#gottaloveit

#makeyourmove

#breathefire

 

Forgiveness – Deep Clean

A long time ago I came across Ho’oponopono, the ancient Hawaiian / Polynesian process of forgiveness. I used this and had amazing results. I still use this process today, not in the exact method, but in the spirit of it.

I also know that forgiveness is healing.  Did you get that?  Forgiveness is Healing.

The state of forgiveness is more important that the who, what, where, why, and when. However, once in the state of forgiveness, and you have forgiven someone for hurting you, and the reasons why you think they did, go ahead and forgive them for as many possible reasons why they may have hurt you. If you think you know, chances are you don’t. Now, it may not be necessary, but it may be more beneficial in the long term. It kinda cleans up any left over smudges of pain.

I found myself going over situations that pained me in the past, that still pain me in the present. So I started forgiving for multiple possibilities, and in multiple realities, in my multidimensional state, and I have found this to be much more comprehensive. It covered so much more. I felt a deep clean sensation. A complete state. A done-ness that was refreshing.

Go ahead…try it on. Forgive for all possible reasons you can think. Open up and see.

#breathefire

#tryiton

#gottaloveit

#makeyourmove

 

Jack of All Trades

multipotentialite

The original quote goes: ” a Jack of all trades is a master of none, but often better than a master of one”.

I always felt that my proclivity to learning many things was a bad thing. Then I came across Emily Wapnick’s article and Ted talk on Multipotentialites. I am that…. for sure.  I have done many things, I learn about a lot of things, I am curious about many things.  Up until recently all of these things were purposeful, distracting, and in spite of a limiting belief. Once I resolved (removed) the limiting belief, I feel like a train running downhill. UNSTOPPABLE!

I still struggle with the stigma that I am a jack of all trades, master of none.  It’s usually referred to in the derogatory. In actuality, I am a Master Jack of All Trades.  I learn quickly and competently. I understand systems and how things work.  Then I came across the actual quote.  Interesting how our beliefs create our realities.

The common denominator of all the things I have done, not including the restaurant field, is that I fix things.  I have a knack for figuring out how something is supposed to work, finding the problem then a solution.  Cars, buildings, computers, people; just to name a few. Now I teach martial arts, fitness, self defense, and I am a peak performance coach.

My problem is that if something is not broken, and I need to figure out how something is supposed to work, the problem is not easily seen, hence, the solution is equally evasive. Example; marketing my business, and learning what works. I am learning what doesn’t work, and the trials are frustrating, especially when I am good at finding problems. In a way I need to create problems so I can identify them and try something else. Bring It!

Are you a renaissance man/woman? Shine baby, Shine! Be the Master Jack of All Trades!

 

…often better than a master of one.

 

#breathefire

#tryiton

#makeyourmove

#gottaloveit